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Bitterness, anger, frustration, joy, love, despair, even mere happiness were emotions I read about in books and suspected I felt, but I had no guidelines from the adults around me. Probably I felt like other people did-or people in books, anyway-but the fact was that either I had the range of feelings that other people did or I was all alone in the world. For the most part, it felt like I was all alone in the world. In my house, there was occasional laughter and more often anger, but nothing in between. Like most kids, I assumed that my family was normal, that all families were like my family. I didn't learn until much later that I grew up in a strange atmosphere, indeed, and learned phrases like "flat affect."When I was very young, before I'd internalized the code like everybody else had, I'd tell my mother when I was unhappy, when I felt sad, when the world wasn't going my way, and her response invariably was, "Think happy thoughts, and the sadness will go away." I didn't. Well ... I hope you two can keep it legal until you get back to the hotel,” I stammered.“It’ll be hard,” Mom whispered back before breaking out in a loud cackle. “It’ll be hard!” she repeated laughing even more. “I made a funny!” she snorted.I smiled imagining my smashed Mom enjoying her unintentional joke.“Good one, Mom ... good one ... Uh ... do you think I can get Dad back on the line?” I finally asked.“Sure ... sure, darlin’. You have a good day, love! It was so good hearing you voice. Give our best to Erika next time you talk with her.”“Sure will, Mom ... Love ya.” I said.“Charlie!” Dad exclaimed, getting the phone back. “Your Mom here is three sheets to the wind. Guess I’ll have to throw her over my shoulder caveman style to get her back to the hotel.”“Just don’t throw your back out in the process,” I joked. “Hey, by the way, the reason I was calling was I wondering if you had a chance to look at the latest chapter I sent a while back.”“Oh yeah! ... I was meaning to get back to.
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